What about the spouse or significant other(s)

[s_brune]

The emotional impact is not just felt by the unemployed person. It also affects the whole family.

My wife and I have a stormy relationship even in the best of times. She is independent and headstrong. Since I lost my job she has been becoming increasingly abusive towards me and my side of the family tree.

I know she is feeling the stress of being the sole breadwinner but it's not like I'm not trying to find work. In the meantime I've been taking classes to upgrade my skills and I've picked up 90% of the household chores.

[terri]

I'm really sorry for you both. The stress can be overwhelming. The guilt and everything else starts to wear but you both have to get through this together. And you will! Try telling her your feelings even more.

[UnemployedAMemoir]

The phrase is "no romance without finance." Somehow, the robber barrons of Wall Street just assumed the world would be fine "eating cake."

We're constantly "robbing Peter to pay Paul," and that can be exhausting. Plus to add to it: my mother died 2 days before Mother's Day weekend.

I work as a commissioned sales rep, and recently collected unemployment insurance. I now have to ask for an extension to same insurance as well as start interviewing for a teacher's position.

I know what you're going through. It's extensively rough on the male ego, since we're used to being the breadwinners and used to FINDING a job once we interview for them. I guess the other thing is we're used to feeling quite secure in the same jobs if we do just above what is expected and keep our noses clean. I guess that's no longer the case.

I don't know what you're background is, but you might consider teaching: I just passed the Math/Physics Teacher's Certification exam in Texas. I'm not going to get NEARLY as much as an engineer, but I should have somewhat stable employment as I think about my next move.

[kympe]

Originally Posted by terri

I'm really sorry for you both. The stress can be overwhelming. The guilt and everything else starts to wear but you both have to get through this together. And you will! Try telling her your feelings even more.

How I wish it were so simple. I have tried to speak to my wife regarding the current situation we find ourselves in (first time in my 20+ year work history I am unemployed), but it only serves to makes her madder. Right now she hardly acknowledges the fact that I am even here. I know things are difficult, but stonewalling is not really helpful. The stress from the whole situation is at times overwhelming especially as there is no real end in sight!! I have had to seek counseling (first time in my life) from my Priest to

[Mboatwr]

Bread winner or not it is hard emotionally on everyone.

Actually my husband says he is tired of being the sole bread winner even though it was only about 2 years. We both made pretty good money when we were both working. But now both of us are unemployed.

He takes his frustrations and anger at the world out on me(words).

But I guess being unemployed and the year and a half he left me alone with a terminally ill parent made me stronger. And I fight back (words) I don't just keep my mouth shut any more. I am applying for jobs for both of us. I spend hours searching employment sites. I sit home alone crying when he is out trying to earn the little he earns commercial fishing.

And yet I have not said one ill word towards him as to why he isn't employed in a regular job or why he isn't doing more.

I know we are both doing our best there isn't more that we can do. It is all up to the LORD and those in society that are making the profits.

Although I have vented quite a bit to elected officials in letters and it has gotten no where but I said my peace. I have even written the Pres and faxed him.

I think all election ballots should have a box that states I don't like anyone. And, if that is the majority it should start all over.

[Wife123]

Originally Posted by s_brune

The emotional impact is not just felt by the unemployed person. It also affects the whole family.

My wife and I have a stormy relationship even in the best of times. She is independent and headstrong. Since I lost my job she has been becoming increasingly abusive towards me and my side of the family tree.

I know she is feeling the stress of being the sole breadwinner but it's not like I'm not trying to find work. In the meantime I've been taking classes to upgrade my skills and I've picked up 90% of the household chores.

My husband has been unemployed since late September 2008. Our marriages sound very similar and I hate to admit, I have been verbally abusive to my husband at times, purely in frustration. His first couple of months were almost as if he was on vacation. It then sank in that finding a new job might not happen any time soon.

With 3 children, 2 at private school and one at daycare, our expenses were high. Our oldest was a Sr in High School last September, just starting to look at colleges. Long story short, we pulled our youngest from daycare and the Sr, who will be starting college at the end of next month settled on a school which he is overqualified for, but for that reason, was given a full scholarship.

The best thing my husband could have ever done was pick up on the household chores. He had never touched the kitchen faucet before all of this happened. Now he does laundry, dusts, taxis the kids etc.. (I still wont let him cook!) It made a world of difference. The stress I was feeling financially was replaced by a better quality of life, being that I come home from work and can now relax a bit. My chores are done during the week by my husband so I can enjoy the family on the weekends. All the money in the world cant replace that.

His unemployment benefits are going to run out soon, within weeks actually. He has already accepted the fact that he will probably end up with a minimum wage job, or something close to it. He will have to work nights so we do not have to pay daycare, which runs over $300 per week in my state. I am lucky that my salary can cover the mortgage and I have always carried the medical coverage.

My advice to you and others would be to continue helping around the house. DO NOT be sitting when she gets home! If she cant see that you are trying, it is not your fault and something on her end needs to be changed. I know my husband is doing the best he can. I do not get angry anymore and wish I could take back some things I said in the past. If your wife continues to attack your weakness, let it go in one ear and out the other or tell her straight out that its really hurting your feelings. (I know, thats hard for a man to say!!). But really, whatever is being said is just venting and I really dont think she means what she is saying.

Best of luck!

[jolapa]

what kind of work did your husband do ?

[ahillis]

I know exactly what you guys are going through. I was teaching, and when my contract didn't get renewed, it definately drove a wedge between my husband and I. It didn't exactly help that the job was in this little bitty town that both of us loved, and neither one of us could find a job that paid well enough to justify staying there. Anyway, he didn't want to look for a job because I have a bachelor's and he doesn't, and he figured that his paycheck would go straight to daycare for our two little boys. Anyway, long story short, we're separated, the boys are in a daycare program paid for by government assistance, and I'm still looking for work.

My heart goes out to all the other families that are in a similar situation.